Top of every list of what wives are supposed to do:
1. Respect your husband
"Notice how it doesn't say "Respect your husband if he has earned it." A man's greatest need in this world is to be respected, and the person he desires that respect from the most is his wife. The trap that we've all been ensnared by is that they only deserve our respect when they earn it. Yes, we want our husbands to make decisions that will ultimately garner our respect, but the truth is that your husband is a human being. A human being who makes mistakes. This is the man that YOU have chosen to walk alongside you for the rest of your life, and to lead your family and he needs to be respected for that quality alone.
Take it from me – when respect is given even when he doesn't deserve it, it will motivate him to earn it. That doesn't mean you pretend that his choices are good ones when they aren't. Things like that still need to be communicated, but you can flesh out your differences WITH RESPECT. It makes all the difference in the world to him."
Nowhere in sight: WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THIS RESPECT THING LOOKS LIKE OR HOW IT'S DONE, HOW IT'S SHOWN. NOT. ONE. CLUE.
Respect? I need someone to define that for me and explain how it works. Don't tell me it's something everybody just knows. Don't tell me it's a no-brainer. Don't tell me it's obvious. And please, don't tell me again that it can't be explained, you just intuitively know how to do it. I don't. I have NO INTUITION. I don't really think anyone has ever respected me, so I don't know how to show respect to anyone else. I don't understand the concept, and I would love to have someone give me a working definition that can actually be applied.
Equality doesn't seem to be it; submission doesn't seem to be it; seeking forgiveness when I believe I've screwed up doesn't seem to be it. I don't know what it is. Pretending I accept and agree with harebrained notions seems to be the closest thing to "respect" I've found so far--but that feels untrue.
I know what tolerance is--agreeing to disagree. But is respect "pretending to agree when I really don't to diffuse an argument"? I don't get it. Truth is truth. God's word is God's word. Some minute points of doctrine I can see either way. Some--like One Way: Jesus--are inarguable. So why do some people think that if I say their path to enlightenment will not lead to eternal life, it's intolerably disrespectful?? No matter how gently I try to say it?
The strongest impression I get when someone tries to explain it to me: Pretend everything someone does is brilliant, perfect and above reproach even if you think it's 100% asinine and will never work. Prop up someone's facade of being the best example of humanity extant. Lie like a rug to protect someone's tarnished reputation. And most of all, smile real purty so everyone will think you're deliriously happy even when you feel like you need to spend a day in bed crying and eating chocolate ice cream.
